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Do you know a truly civil person? This is a person others might describe as socially skilled, courteous, collected, centered, cool, or “has her stuff together”. Being a civil person has huge benefits:
- People Will Listen to You – People listen more attentively to civil persons than to rude or boisterous people. A rational, unemotional argument offered by a cool, collected person is MUCH more attractive to thinking persons than is a loud, expletive-laden, emotional rant. Think back to an example of listening to each extreme of person. You may be able to remember the arguments of the loud person but you probably did not act on them. But the “cool head” very probably moved you to action if that was his/her goal.
- You’ll Make More Friends – Humans seem to be drawn to calm, collected people. They have a calming effect on persons around them. I remember a pilot named “Smash” (not sure how he got that nickname but it probably had to do with a tendency to fly faster than needed). When this unassuming guy of normal 5’9” stature entered a room, I felt the most amazing sense of calm. I never asked anyone else if they felt the same thing (tough, manly Air Force Lieutenants don’t admit to such paranormal impressions) and I have since wondered if he had the same effect on others. He was unremarkable in every other way but, due to ESP or pheromones or something, he lowered my blood pressure whenever I was around him in the Squadron every month or so when I flew in the F-15 Eagle fighters there.
- You’ll Have Lowered Blood Pressure and You’ll Live Longer – Cultivate the ability to always be civil even (maybe especially) to people with whom you totally disagree. This is a powerful skill. When you have made up your mind to remain civil, no matter what another person says, you are very unlikely to become upset or lose your cool. This is because when we stay calm, our unpredictable amygdala (our “lizard brain” that tries to get us emotional and is always ready for a fight) remains under control by the prefrontal cortex (the rational, thinking part of our brain). Remaining calm will breed a strong character. Make a game of it – – – see how dramatically different your behavior can be from your opponent’s. As he/she gets louder, you get even calmer; as he gets more exasperated, you get more focused. With luck, the other person will soon stop emoting and will begin thinking. Only then will the discussion become productive. And if the opponent does not calm down, it is probably because he cannot control his emotion (anger, fear, whatever) and you are wasting your time: Just say something non-threatening like “we’ll talk more some other time” and walk away. And glance over your shoulder as you leave – – – really stressed-out people can get violent when a calmer person refuses to get upset along with them!
In our next post we will talk about the remarkable benefits of following the Desiderata. It takes 60 seconds to read and is a powerful document. I’ll also show you how adding just four simple rules at the dinner table will get you labeled diplomatic and get you invited to dinner parties a lot more often! And I’ll explain the surprising connection to beer!
Copyright: Solid Thinking Corporation
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