Posts Tagged ‘self’

Leader driven Harmony #28: Tell People What You Need

by Mack McKinney on June 10, 2011

Do you find that people are frustrating you?  Disappointing you?  Has this been going on for a long time and in all walks of your life:  family, job, hobbies, neighborhood or church?  Do you wish people would respect you more?  Understand you better?

Do you need more time to yourself?  Or maybe you need less time to yourself because you are lonely.

Do you need more attention from a friend or lover, because you feel isolated or shut out?  Or do you need less attention from them because you feel smothered.

Do you want more guidance and coaching from a boss?  Or do you want less help and more autonomy in doing your job?

Do you wish you had a magic way to make people “get it”, to cause people to do what you need them to do?  Then here is the magic trick.  Lean in closely.  Here is the secret:  JUST SAY SO.  It is often that easy to get others to do what you want.  Just tell them.  No beating around the bush, no mincing words.  Just smile, be reasonably diplomatic if you can and tell them what you need.  The important thing is to speak up, even if you don’t say it exactly right.  Trust me; you’ll get better at it the more you practice.

Most people want to be helpful.  They like to please others.  Good Samaritans abound.  Most likely your friends and relatives and business associates are polite to other people.  They probably wouldn’t mind being nicer to you.  But all too often they don’t know what to do. There are no mind readers in the real world.  You must tell them.

Start the conversation any way you like.

  • I have a favor to ask…
  • I wonder if I could ask you to do something for me…
  • I have an odd request…

And then use the magic phrase:  When you [do something] I feel [a certain way].  Here are two common examples:

  • When you finish my sentences for me, I feel you are impatient with me.  But I need the time to think when I am talking.  Please be patient.  You think faster than me.
  • When you change the subject immediately after I say something I feel you aren’t really listening. I feel you are just using the time while I am talking to assemble your next statement.  Please at least acknowledge what I have just said so I know you head me.

If people keep ignoring you or interrupting you or . . . doing whatever to annoy you, you have to ask yourself if you are helping cause the problem.  And if you have never told them how you feel or how you would like them to change their behavior, you should not be at all surprised when they disappoint you.  Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result is one clinical definition of insanity.  So tell the people with whom you regularly interact, bosses, family members, friends and others, what you need them to do (or not do) to make your life go smoother with less drama and less frustration.  Otherwise do not complain about how you are being treated.  Speak up or shut up!

Copyright: Solid Thinking Corporation

By the time you’ve opened your little peepers in the morning you’ve most likely  set your intentions for the day. This happens automatically for most of us. There are the normal patterns that we engage in to prepare for the day ahead, then follow through until tucked back in bed ready for a good night’s rest. What would shift if we became intentional about creating our day? What would we intend to happen? How would we intend to be that would allow our day to unfold?

People make extraordinary leaps of faith, creating because they were inspired to do so. Inspiration leads to intentions, which leads to acting with integrity. All three are essential yet it is integrity that gets the job done.

You are a rare individual who considers the possibility of creating a paradigm shift in the work place; one that would allow kindness, compassion and true collaboration to inundate the ranks of the stressed, overwhelmed and unfulfilled. What arouses such an undertaking in you? In my mind it has to involve inspiration.

That quality of being inspired – we know all know what it feels like, and we spend thousands of dollars for motivational speakers to come in and inspire us to – to do what? We read books and watch movies with the intention to facilitate the experience of feeling inspired. Too often, though that inspiration doesn’t last more than a couple of hours and we are back to our normal routine. We know the experience and we know how to cultivate it, Integrity is also a quality of being. We all know what it feels like too.

Our somatic or physical response to the world is the tell-all of our reality. If you want to know what’s true for you, go to the source—your body—it never lies. What does inspiration feel like to you? What is it that has that experience move you to take action? We don’t think much about this, though it is a huge factor in our lives.

Inspiration starts with a sensation of giddiness and excitement in my chest. I feel exhilarated and want to do something to support and nourish this feeling of being swept up. It’s different than anxiousness, which generally has a good dose of fear added. I also feel an impulse to move, to do something that fulfills these sensations. It’s like I’m being asked for something I know I can fulfill.

How does an idea become manifested? Action has to be taken and initially this can feel energizing and fun. Slowly though we lose touch with our original inspiration. With time and distractions we forget what we wanted or why we wanted it. Generally speaking, as we move towards what we want, something in us gets threatened and that stops us in our tracks. We need something more – we need to exercise muscles of integrity. Integrity tells us that we have intentions to manifest our vision and it’s critical to our well-being that we follow through to the very end. This all happens within our bodies. These bodily sensations continually influence us, yet rarely do we pay them the attention they deserve.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

The experience of intention can be very uncomfortable for people. For some, anxiety, nervousness and vulnerability ride shotgun. For others, excitement, anticipation and expectancy are present. What creates these different responses to the experience of intention? The vulnerability of wanting is embedded in our bodies, as are the memories of disappointment. The level of significance we give to what we want influences our willingness to set intentions to make it happen. More people than you can imagine have given up being their intention, not because it’s part of their spiritual practice, but because they decided long ago that it wasn’t safe to want, and most likely they weren’t going to get it, so they stopped being intentional. They wake up in the morning, yet remain asleep to their hearts desire.

The practice of setting intentions to create action and follow through in support of our intentions, while at the same time not being attached to the wanting or the outcome, is essential and challenging. Living in the moment and practicing these steps strengthens character and gives us courage to live into the unknown. It cultivates wisdom and confidence to be with whatever shows up. This too seems very challenging at first. But like everything else, practice brings about the expansion of capability and ease of being with what use to feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and impossible. Either it is enough to take us over the edge of our hopes and fears, into the life we imagine, or it’s not. The only way to do this is by investigating this territory. We have to take the leap.

Inspiration, Intention and Integrity as Tools

On all levels of being, from the current circumstances to the domain of Universal Oneness, we have specific intentions. Without these we would not survive for we would lack even the desire to hope or want life itself. To see inspiration, intention and integrity as tools we can effectively change our relationship to that which generates the unfolding of life itself. As the paradigm shifts, each of us will willingly participate in the expansion of consciousness, thrilled to witness the fulfillment of potential far more magnificent than imaginable. It is definitely worth the price of admission.

Intimacy scores with Social Media

by Deepika Bajaj on February 11, 2010

Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of entering deeply or closely into relationship through knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity.

So, you may ask what does it have to do with Social Media?


Intimacy with others:

Every morning, we wake up and some of us reach out to our laptops. This is true for those who go to work. But what I have started to see is that most of us log into Facebook. What we are checking out is our news feed. We start to see what some of our friends are doing? What some of our business associates are saying? What some of those people we don’t know are talking about?
Suddenly, this simple act of checking our news feed cultivates into interacting with them. We start to comment OR like some of those news feed. And then there is a sudden feeling of being close to people we care about and those we would like to know better. There is a dialogue that makes us feel part of their lives and transparency that they display wins out instant trust with them….And this dialogue and transparency was the genesis of building relationships even before social media arrived.

Intimacy with self:

When we check out our Facebook profile, we see someone we love MOST – that is YOU/ME. And just seeing how closely we are knit with our friends, family and colleagues gives us an instant self-confidence. Man is a social animal. Social Media enables man to be SOCIAL at a level that was not possible before. On your Birthday, you thank Facebook, since you get messages from people all over the world. The large list of people wishing you “Happy Birthday” makes a public statement of how blessed you are – Don’t deny it! We all love attention on our Birthdays.


Intimacy in building relationships
:

Twitter has made it possible to Follow people and really build an instant communication with them. The @replies make it possible for people to have a public conversation with some people you either have relationships with or want to build relationships with. And when you have communicated with them, it is possible you will send them a DM to further engage with them at a deeper level. Followed by personal email and then potential meeting. This intimacy even before you have met the person gives us a sense of a relationship based on the context of that communication. You know what are the interests, passions of the person you are engaging with – instantly giving intimacy to this budding relationship.

Intimacy is a human tradition and social media is emerging medium – Intimacy scores well with Social Media…